There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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