Swine flu. Run for my life!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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