you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
