5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
