Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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