I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
