yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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