He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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