we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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