so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
