so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
