And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
