dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
