i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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