I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
