I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
