your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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