There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
