Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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