Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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