oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
