I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
