so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
