Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
