After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize