I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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