I wish I could teleport
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
