i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
