The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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