I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
