Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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