you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
