if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
