you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
