i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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