My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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