You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
