That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
