Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
