Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
