he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
