Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
