I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
