Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
