what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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