I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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