Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
