I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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