Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
