I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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