When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
