hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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