I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
