mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
