What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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