dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
