Im at strip club and am horny
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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