Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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