Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
