We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
