he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
