My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
