Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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