omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
