We got so high we made milksteak
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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