When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
